Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
