my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
