yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
