Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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