Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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