he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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