dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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