I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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