do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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