Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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