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so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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