my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
