It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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