He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
