I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
