Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
