So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We are all done wearing pants today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
