Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
