I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
