ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My feet surprised me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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