Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
