so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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