remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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