listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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