I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
