If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
