I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
