Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
