im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
