he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
