I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
