But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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