I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
