Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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