Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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