Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
