He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
