If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
