I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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