i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
