jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
