On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
