I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
