Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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