went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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