She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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