i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
