JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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