the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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