Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
