If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
