addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
