bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
